Karter's Room

We gave Karter's room a make-over the same time we did Bentley's room.  Obviously it is sports theme.  We chose this as it is a theme that Karter will enjoy for years and was fitting for a big boy room.  My favorite part of the room is the signed roughrider onsie. It was his first jersey and the tickets were for his first game he attended with Daddy. 

I love how proud Karter is of his room and quite often he will show whoever comes over his room. 

The Party you Never Want to Plan

It is hard when one of your parents has a terminal illness.  I think it is even harder when they are single.  The children have to step up and I find I have taken on a lot of the worries, resposibilities and stresses that the spouse would normally have.  Such things as taking my mom to appointments, making sure she has her medication, cleaning her house when she is sick.  Making sure she is not alone for too long so that she does not get depressed and taking care of her when she is sick.  I gladly sign up for these responsibilities but it does wear on a person after awhile. 

Another responsibility that the children have is planning a funeral.  This has been on my mind a lot since my mom got sick.  We discussed it briefly, but found that my mom, brother and I were not on the same page.  I discussed this with Mark and we left it at that.

Then one day Mark came home from one of his business networking meetings and that morning a lady from Hillcrest Memorial had given a presentation about pre-planning your funeral.  Mark said that there are so many options available and we should meet with her.  I thought this was a good idea.

I had a hard time bringing it up with my mom and bro that we should meet her.  I think because it is awkward and not fun and the realization that this is going to happen.  However, the spin on it is that my mom is currently healthy and I would rather make arrangements now as to when she is on her death bed and we are all super emotional.  Plus, then we could make arrangements that we all could be comfortable with.

The meeting went really well.  No one cried!  I was close when we went into the room where you view the body and they were explaining how sometime you use the bed that was on display because children are not as scared to see someone lying in a bed as opposed to a coffin.  I instantly thought of Karter and it made me really, really sad, but I pushed through. 

After that they took us to the celebration room.  All three of us instantly felt relaxed.  As this is what my mom wants is a celebration not a funeral.  It is a beautiful, welcoming room. 

Overall it was the best experience that it could have been.  The staff are awesome and the grounds are breathtaking.  It made it all worth it when my mom said "I feel at peace here".

This experience has definitely made me think about pre-planning my own funeral.  I don't want my family to think "well, would she have wanted to be buried or cremated", a church funeral or celebration.  There is enough emotion going on that it will be nice that it is all planned out in advance.  That was one of the things they said also is that people spend more when things aren't planned out in advance.  And I don't want my family to have to worry about the cost.  The nice thing about pre-arranging is that you can lock in the costs now of the funeral service and burial site and make payments as small as $50/month. 

My grandmothers funeral was pre-arranged and it was so nice for the family not to have to make all the arrangements and we could just grieve and remember her.  And there was comfort in knowing this is what she wanted.

Anyway, enough about the hard stuff.  Have a good weekend :)

My Purple People Eater and My Romeo

My Purple People Eater

My little girl has been fighting thrush for over a month now.  After two failed tries we are on to the purple violet treatment.  Good news is that it looks like it has cleared up, but we still have five more days of treatments to go.  Bad news is that this stuff stains everything - so you can imagine what this breastfeeding mom looks like.  I have to be very careful with her clothes and since majority of Bentley's clothes are borrowed that really limits what she can wear.  I will be happy when we can say good bye to this purple dye and thrush and hello to cute colorful outfits once again.

My Romeo

Karter has a soft spot for the ladies.  When he was two years old he declared Strawberry Short Cake his girlfriend and would let everyone know that was his girl.  He has since moved on to Layla a little girl from daycare.  Like his daddy, he loves the older ladies.  But, since Layla has started school and is only around occasionally, he has moved on to his new girlfriend Melanie.  I never thought much of him calling these girls his girlfriend, like he really knew what that meant.  Then one day I picked Karter up at daycare and he went to say good-bye to Melanie, which included a hug and an "I Love You".  I was shocked and looked at Bonnie his daycare provider.  She said "I know, he is a real Romeo".  Moving on to yesterday they went to the fun factory.  Bonnie said that Karter barely went on the slides or ball pitt.  He was too busy sitting driver in the fire truck giving a ride to all the ladies.  At one point he even had six girls in there.  Bonnie jokingly mentioned we may have trouble with Karter. Since I don't have any pictures of Karter and his ladies - here he is with the two most important ladies in his life.

Bentley's Room

We finished the final touches on Bentley's room last week.  I could not be happier with her room and I hope she loves it as much as we do.

Our Week in Photos

Radiologist Appointment

My mom and I met with the radiologist yesterday. It was a very informative appointment that lasted 2.5 hours! I was amazed by how he just pulls up the bone scan and CT scans (which are videos) on his computer so that we all can see the tumor and whatever else is going on. He provided so much detail in his explanations and had a great bed side manner. My mom and I were very impressed. So right now we are at the stage where we have a lot of answers but are waiting for the MRI next week which is the last piece of the puzzle - but probably the most important piece.

I have been doing some research on lung cancer since the first CT scan my mom had. That is the type of person I am and it helps me find comfort in information and come to terms with reality. OK - so there are two types of lung cancer - small cell and non-small cell. Majority of patients, approx. 75% have non-small cell. I took the assumption that this would be the case for my mom and did most of my research on non-small cell. So when the doctor said she had small cell lung cancer it literally shocked me and I burst into tears. (which sucked bc I was suppose to be there to support my mom!!) Anyway, what I knew about small cell is that it grows and spreads very rapidly. After I pulled myself together (f*ck), the doctor carried on to say that yes it is aggressive, but responds much better to chemo and radiation then non-small cell. Surgery is almost never a treatment option with small cell - which is not an option in my moms case.

We then looked at my mom's bone scan. Again this has been a concern due to the extensive pain she has had for years in her back. From what the doctor could tell it appeared that the cancer has not spread to the bones. Yeah. However, we will have to wait for the specialist to confirm this.

We looked at the CT scan which showed us the tumor in the lung and how it has grown since her last CT scan a couple months ago. He also mentioned that the CT scan did not show any tumors growing in her brain.

The doctor concluded that he believes the cancer is limited to her lung. All the medical procedures we have done so far come to this conclusion. However, we still need the MRI because this brain scan is more detailed than the CT and would catch smaller cancer cells or tumors.

After this we discussed treatment options. There is the standard treatment for this type of cancer or else there is a clinical trial. Both involve chemotherapy and radiation, with the clinical trial being a bit more aggressive with radiation (she would get it twice a day as opposed to once a day). After radiation on the lung he would do radiation on the brain. I was confused by this and asked "so whether it is or is not in her brain, you would be doing radiation on the brain". Shock number 2 - he said no - if it is in her brain there will be no treatment for her at all!! There is pretty much nothing they can do. F*ck! My heart sank again. Who would have thought I would be praying for the chance for my mom to have chemo and radiation!

After the Radiologist left we talked with the RN about the clinical trial some more. My mom is interested in doing this as it may help another patient down the road. And really - why not do it.

So we finish the appointment and are walking out the door when the RN comes running down the hall and tells us the radiologist wanted to talk to us again. Boom - heart sinks again. We go back in the room and he tells us that he was looking more at the CT scan and there is fluid present around the heart. Everyone has this fluid but it should not be showing up on a CT scan. This fluid has also increased a little bit from her first CT scan. Is it cancer - can't tell. Unfortunately though - it may eliminate us from the clinical trial. But - they would still continue on with the standard treatment in which the chemo could eliminate it.

When we got home my mom and Karter were playing outside and I ran to the computer to determine survival rates. If it is limited to her lung the average life expectancy is two years. So what this means is that with treatment, 50% of these patients are living two years after being diagnosed. If the cancer has spread to her brain and she will not be eligible for treatment, the average life expectancy is 2-4 months! I decided not to share this info with my mom. She is in pretty good spirits and believes that it is limited to her lung - which I do as well.

I had a breakdown when Mark walked in the door. I was happy my mom and K were still outside. I needed a couple minutes to let down my guard and crumble. I literally melted into his arms. He is a great support!

Finally a Bit of an Answer

Doctor called today and confirmed that it is lung cancer. All he said was that treatment would be chemo and radiation and that the Cancer Clinic would be in touch with my mom. She seemed pretty good when I talked to her, I think she was focusing on how much she dislikes her doctor to let it sink in that she does have cancer.

So she has no idea on what stage she is or anything, just that it is cancer. I guess we will just have to wait and meet with the cancer doctor to find out exactly what is going on. I am still being optimistic in the fact that the PET scan did not show it spreading and that it was not in her lymphnodes. But again, we will have to wait and see what the doctor says.