Grocery Shopping on a Budget

A couple weeks ago, a group of us sat down and talked personal budgeting.  Some of the girls were impressed that I budget only $600 a month for groceries for a family of 4.  So today I wanted to talk about my grocery shopping process.

First up, have a budget and stick to it.  I grocery shop once a week, so I have $150/week to spend on groceries. 

Next step, is you need to plan.  Planning is key to this whole process.  I first start with a weekly meal plan.  By doing this, I am focusing on what I need to buy for my meals, eliminating putting extra “stuff” on my grocery list – essentially buying what you need.  This consists of going through my cupboards/fridge/freezers to see what I have available, in conjunction with looking through flyers to see what “deals” are on this week.  I have been at this for a while and pay attention to prices so I know what I am willing to pay for items and I also have comparison shopped between stores.  I do try to buy certain items at Walmart and Costco because I have done my research, I am that person with their calculator out at Costco looking at the cost/unit and comparing to pictures of prices I have previously taken at other grocery stores and compare costs.  However, I also do not have time to go to 3 different places to grocery shop per week.  So I keep a list of stuff that I am getting low on where I know significant savings can be made at Costco/Walmart and will buy on the next Costco run, and try to incorporate my meal plan to not include those items if I can’t make it there for a couple weeks. 

Comparison Pricing



The List



A little messy, but none the less it is a meal plan

Ok, so here is an example of my meal planning process for this particular week.  Some of the meat I have in my freezer is a moose roast, shrimp, elk hamburger and elk steaks.  That is my meat for four meals this week.  Whole chickens were on sale at Safeway and I was happy with the price (compared it to Walmart), so that is another meal.  I will have chicken left over so I will make a chicken salad for lunch the next day.  I always have veggies left over at the end of the week so I will make a stir-fry.  As I am planning out my meals, I am making a grocery list.  The list also includes prices beside it, so I can see at any given time where my numbers are at.  I also look at prices in the flyers.  For example, I may love bananas, but apples are going to cost me less this week, so apples it is.  Remember, coupons are our friends and pay attention to deals that your store it putting on.  They may have customer appreciation days (get 10% off your groceries on Tuesdays, spend $100 and get a $10 voucher, etc).

Once I have my list it is off to the store with my willingness to stick to it.  Temptation is hard when you grocery shop, then insert shopping with your kids who want everything.  What I try to do is explain we are sticking to the items on the list and I usually say if they help me out grocery shopping and not ask for things, they can have $2 to spend on something.  This week they wanted donuts for dessert for supper, and they were delish by the way.

OK, we are now going through the aisles, and we are paying attention to prices.  I have mushrooms on my list, so I look at all the different brands of canned mushrooms and go with the cheapest price.  Some items I just can’t go with the generic store brand (which is usually the cheaper price), but if you have no brand/taste attachment go with the cheapest.  It is interesting once you start paying attention to see what the cost variance can be between brands.  Even within brands, like packaging makes a difference.  For example, to buy a 1 litre of milk in a plastic container costs more than a 1 litre cardboard container.  I am also comparing prices on my list to what I am actually paying so I know I am staying within my total budget.



My total came to $127, I was even impressed that I came in $1 over my calculated $126

Again, planning is key because you are limiting your shopping to what you need.  Planning your meals also helps you not to eat out.  How many times have you said, I don’t know what to make for supper so lets’ just go out.  You can also get creative and have fun.  On this particular meal planning day, Bentley really wanted to go out for supper.  We came up with the idea of having a restaurant at our house.  I was the cook and she was the waitress.  We made menus, decorated the table and the men were our customers.  It was a lot of fun! 

Second Year Anniversary

I had every intension to write a lovely post to honor my mom on the 2nd anniversary of her death.  Unfortunately, this week work got surprisingly busy and I ran out of time.  Here is a short post to honor my mom and capture my thoughts.

This sums it up.  I long to talk to her.  I just want to ask how she is doing!!!  I miss her voice.

My good friend Carmen sent me this today.  Thanks for this, it is so true.

Our girls trip starts today, so I will be missing the chance to be with my family for my mom's death anniversary and her birthday on Saturday.  My family and Greg and Melayna celebrated her last weekend by having a visit at her memorial tree near the farmers market, followed by a walk along the river.

Miss you mom.  Always in my heart, never forgotten. 

Alynne.

Pinterest - Thanks for Making my Life sooooo Nummy

I am not the best cook, I started cooking later in life and have had many hard lessons learned.  I do really enjoy pinning recipes on Pinterest, some work out, some not-so-much.  What makes a recipe a winner in my house, all 4 family members must love it, they finish their meal and request it for supper at a later date.  What I particularly look for is a simple, quick to prepare recipe using common ingredients that I usually have in my fridge, and a healthy recipe is a bonus.  I also like to prepare meals in double batches so I can freeze one for another time, usually when we have hockey and need a quick eat and go meal.  Some of my favorite pins are for my slow cooker, usually a meat, soup or chili.

Here are two recipes I think you should try.  These two picks are inspired by our healthy meal we had last night at Carmen's birthday celebration.  My whole family loves them and I am sure you will too!

1.  Biggest Loser Pancakes - these are a healthier version of a pancake and taste like French toast.



2.  Banana Oat Greek Yogurt Muffins - These are made with no flour or oil, so a healthier version of a muffin.  I have made them without chocolate chips and they are pretty good, but I think I like with chocolate chips better.  I also will add some walnuts!

Juicy Boy's MisAdventures

I think one of my favorite things to do in the summer time is walk my dog.  Mainly because I know how much he LOVES it.  It is very routine in our house, after the kids go to bed Juice will start giving me the “please mom” look.   As soon as I grab his leash and give it a little jiggle, he is stuck to me like glue and follows me everywhere in the house till I am ready to go. 

Unfortunately, this summer I have been getting annoyed with other people and their dogs, and one night a couple of weeks ago took the cake and I came home feeling deflated.  More on that to come…

Juice and I have a standard walk that we do.  We are fortunate to live by a lovely creek with an amazing walking path.  I love it as most of our walk we don’t have to worry about crossing streets and driveways.  However, for some reason people feel that they should let their dogs go off-leash in the creek.  I wish people would realize how dangerous this could be.  How do you know if my dog is friendly towards other dogs.  Of course Juice is super friendly, well socialized with other dogs and has never got into a fight.  However, my dog is one tough cookie.  His toy of choice is a 40 pound rock.  Have you ever seen those strong man competitions where they flip over the big tires.  That is how Juice plays with his rock.  And, he also has a 100 pound American bulldog for a girlfriend.   I think he could hold his own if he needed to.  So you get your little chihuahua off-leash that comes over to my dog and tries to bite Juice, I have no problem with my dog retaliating.  However, then my dog gets the bad wrap because he is a bully breed.

Anyway, we have dog parks, take your dogs there if you want to go off-leash please.  We have city bylaws that your dog needs to be on a leash in public – follow it people.  I have had multiple encounters with walking Juice and dogs being off leash, but most dogs are friendly and socialized.  However, I have had two scary situations now with other dogs.  The first situation happened last year.  I was walking Juice and we were in the residential part of our walk.  I look over on the other side of the street, and there is a big, big Rottweiler.  Did I mention that he was big? And then I notice he is off-leash and his owner is nowhere to be seen.  Fantastic! Of course, it had to be a Rottweiler, couldn’t have be a sweet, innocent little shitzu.  So this dog looks up at us and lets out this low, strong “woof”.  And starts heading towards us.  I was like OMG, this is a big dog, we might as well call him a bear because he was that big.  I kept walking to not alarm Juice and he starts following, so I turn around and strongly say “stay” and put my hand out.  And sure shit, the dog listened.  Halleluiah!  I really didn’t have a backup plan, so glad that worked.  We got to the end of the street and the dogs owners had come out to get him.

After that night, Mark and I discussed what I should do in the future if we are approached by a dog.  I am glad we talked this through as this helped with my encounter a couple weeks ago.  So per usual, Juice and I were on the path.  I always stay to the far right of the path, and Juice runs on my right in the grass.  That way we aren’t taking up much of the path, and any leashed dogs we pass on the path are far enough away from Juice that we can carry on our run undistracted.  So, we are jogging along and we approach a mom with two little dogs, and her daughter around 10-12 years old is walking with an English bulldog (on leash).  We jog by them, but then the bulldog decides to lunge at Juice.  Since I am in between them, I get tripped by the bulldog/ bulldogs leash and go flying into the grass.  Luckily I still have the leash in my hand, but the girl lost control of her leash when I tripped on it.  The bulldog lunges again at Juice, and not a nice, please let me smell your butt, but a teeth showing, biting growling encounter.  I think I tried to kick the bulldog, he lunged at Juice again, then (the pg version) of what I yelled at the owner was “Control your dog or I am letting go of mine”!  This is what Mark and I had decided on if we ever got into this type of situation, and also what they had taught us at obedience class.  First, in this instance, me holding Juice back is actually causing him to be in an aggressive, defensive state.  I wouldn’t care if the other dog was being  controlled by his owner and couldn’t physically injure Juice.  I would hold on for dear life to him.  But that was not the case, he was in our faces.  Also, I am not going to give the other dog the advantage and beat up my dog because I am restraining him.  Luckily, the owner got ahold of the bulldogs leash and she apologized.  I couldn’t even look at her, I just got up and continued jogging.  I stopped a bit later and made sure Juice was ok.  I actually didn’t start crying till I got home and saw Mark.  Anyway, in this case, the dog was on leash, but really, bulldogs are strong, a 10 year old should not be walking it if they can’t control it. 

It just sucks because I am now a bit paranoid to go out with Juice.  I was lucky I wasn’t hurt when I fell down and lucky Juice wasn’t hurt.  I will still continue on my adventures with Juice, but I will definitely be more cautious now.

Mother's Day 2015

 What a wonderful Mother’s Day.  It started off with waking up to the pitter patter of little feet coming from downstairs, followed by little giggles.  I peeked open the door and asked if I could come down, but no I was instructed to stay in bed.  So I relaxed, for like a ½ HOUR, my time to reflect.  Perfect.  I was then treated to breakfast in bed, a sweet homemade card, and a beautiful bracelet.

 We then headed to the pool for a couple hours.  We have been doing this every Sunday for the past  three weeks.  I love it because it is such great family time, and Mark actually puts down his phone!  Ha ha.  But we have mainly been pooling it up because the kids are in swimming lessons and it has been a rough start and they HATE it, but we are making progress. 

One of the first families I noticed when we got to the pool was a young family, the kids were about 2 and 6 months old.  They stood out because the mom didn’t have any hair and was quite pale.  It is obvious that she is sick.  It made me sad because she was about my age, if not younger.  I ended up talking to her for a bit because Bentley was obsessed with her 6 month old. I wished her a happy Mother’s Day, and asked how her day was going.  Even though she is sick, she had such a positive attitude and was so full of life.  It made me feel sad, it made me feel inspired, it made me feel lucky.  I think the best way to describe what I was feeling is simply grateful.  Grateful for my life, my health, my family.

After our swim, we had a quick lunch and off to downtown to meet up with my brother and his girlfriend to celebrate our mom.  We had a lovely but windy walk, I said a silent prayer to my Angel Mom, then had a speedy ½ mile run with B in my arms getting her to the bathroom because little one had to PEE. 

In the late afternoon we celebrated another important mom, that of course being Mark’s mom Wendy.  We had them over for a barbeque and hopefully she felt loved and appreciated.

It was a truly lovely and busy day.  So blessed to have my two sweet and sassy munchkins.  My heart is complete!

 

Lifestyle Sistas - Photos of Me

My friend Deena and Christy are part of this series (see picture below) and I thought it would be fun to join in on this one.

I think this link-up intrigued me because I have been doing a lot of work on my self esteem the last year, learning to be comfortable in my own skin, love what God blessed you with (in my case a bootylisious booty!).  This is a lot of work, changing the way you view yourself.  It really takes a lot of training your mind to not think so negatively about yourself.  I think it will always be a work in progress.  However, I believe it is working because as I went through my pictures, I was having a hard time narrowing it down to my top five.  No, I am now not conceited, but I am trying to see beauty in myself.  So when I look at a picture, I first think of what I like about it, whether it be physical, or emotional.  And if I can't come up with anything positive, I just delete it.  Anyway, here are my top 5:

Our Engagement Session - Pure true love

 

Our wedding - I think this pic is so elegant, and I like my butt

 

 

Karter looks so in love with me here!

 

My favorite hair day ever!

 

I think I look super cute here!

 

Me and my sweet girl

 

Ok, that's six, not five.  Lol. 

 

The Last of the Firsts

 

A year of firsts has come to an end tomorrow on the anniversary of your death.  First birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas without you is now behind us.  It has been a hard year, but it has also been a year of courage, a year of growth, reflection and healing.  To say I am over your death would be a lie, but I am beginning to function with life without you.  On the eve of your death, I feel the urge to write you a letter.  Here it goes:

Dearest Mom,

I know you have seen me shed many tears over you this last year.  I can’t help it, I miss you so much.  I need to, I need to cry, to feel sad. I still sit here and can't believe you are gone.  I think back to this night a year ago when they called us in to palliative, that you were dying.  I remember hanging up the phone in shock.  How could I be in shock?  Silly I know, you were in palliative care, where people go to die.  I think until that moment when I received the phone call I didn't believe you were dying. I have stuck by and believed in you no matter what you were battling throughout the years, and this was no different.  I didn't want to stop believing in you and your power to overcome.  Losing you that day, that was the hardest day of my life.  I pray we did everything right for you and helped you let go peacefully.

I hope that you approved of your funeral and felt love from all that attended.  I remember when we started pre-planning your funeral you said you didn’t want one because no one would come.  Boy, did we prove you wrong.  I know I didn’t give a speech, I just couldn’t, I wasn’t strong enough.  I hope you understand.

It was so hard cleaning out your apartment.  I couldn't be in there alone, and even if Greg made a trip out to the garbage, I had to go with him. Thank you for giving me guidance as to what you wanted us to do with your belongings once you passed away.  It helped make the process easier knowing you approved with what we were doing.  I hope you felt we respected you and your belongings.  I loved going through all your old pictures and special trinkits you had kept from your childhood, precious treasures for us to now cherish forever.  Oh, and we found your cigarettes - busted!  Lol.

A couple months after you passed, I received a text from our daycare lady.  She said Karter was really sad and she asked him what was wrong, he said even though he knew you were in heaven and not sick anymore, that he missed you and started crying.  I had been so consumed in my own grief I forgot that others are grieving too.  I apologize for being so wrapped up in myself, that I didn't comfort and support others as much as I should have. 

I was hoping to somehow feel your presence after you passed.  I felt like I needed a sign that you were ok, or feel some sort of connection to you.  I was waiting for some sign to know that you were around.  In the late fall, I was spending a morning making lasagna’s, chili and pasta sauce.  Definitely something you would have come over to keep me company.  At one point, it was like you were there, I opened my mouth and started to speak to you and turned to the chair at the table where you would be sitting, but you weren’t there.  Even though I physically couldn’t see you, I could feel your presence.  It was such a calming feeling, I had the best day after that.

Then, on August long weekend we were at the cabin, and I went inside to grab Mark and I a drink.  The thought popped into my head “oh, I better check my phone, I am sure mom has called to check in to see how the weekend is going”.  I rushed to my phone and checked it.  But, of course you hadn’t called.  I went outside and shared with Mark what had happened.  He looked up in the sky and said “Aww, hi Grandma Donna”.  Literally, a minute later we had a mishap with the fire in the fire pit, I don’t want to go into details, but I really believe you were watching over us at that moment and was our guardian angel, the outcome could have been a lot worse.

I have felt sorry for myself a lot this year.  A common thought was I am too young to lose my mother.  But, this year I have also seen a six year old, and a nine year old lose their mother.  That is just tragic.  I have been able to start to transition my way of thinking from poor me, to how lucky I was to have you in my life for so long. 

I so wish you could have been at Karter’s first hockey game, I know you would be his biggest fan.  I also know now you have the best seat in the house to watch his games.  But a part of me wants to see you, and see your face light up with excitement when he scores a goal. 

Now that you are gone I have no idea what is going on in Young and the Restless.  Melayna mentioned we should watch it tomorrow when we have a celebration in your honor. 

In closing, even thought the year of firsts is over, I will still continue to grieve and miss you always and forever.  But I will try my hardest to do it with a smile on my face.  Love you to the moon and back Mom.  Oh, and say hi to Elvis for me!

 

The Day I Lost my Mother

Almost 11 months it has been since we had to say goodbye.  I can't believe it.  I also can't believe it has taken 11 months to write this post.  I have sat down many times to write, but it is hard.  It is hard to think about that day.  Don't get me wrong, I think about it quite often, but to write down all the little details and consciously go through the entire day - so sad.  But It is important for me to write it, almost like a tribute to my mom, to write down the details so they will never be forgotten, to write about the beauty that did occur that day, or maybe even to help someone going through the same thing.  Well here it goes:

Mom was in palliative care.  The night before she died, Greg and Melayna were at the hospital and Greg said this is the best day my mom has had in here so far.  She was totally coherent and having conversations.  When I got there she didn't make conversation, but would definitely talk when I spoke to her.  One sad part she said "Aren't you sick of this already", I replied "mom, there is no other place I would rather be".  She replied "I am tired, so tired".  I tried to cheer her up sharing some twizzlers and joking about how hot her male nurse was.  I left telling her I loved her and gave her a gentle hug.

The hospital called at 2:30am and said if we wanted to be there for her passing we should come.  So Mark's mom rushed over and we ended up getting to the hospital the same time as my brother and Melayna.  I was expecting to walk into her room and see her resting peacefully like in the movies, but it was nothing like I imagined it would be.  She was moaning, squirming and throwing her arm up, her eyes were bulging and looking all over.  She seemed very unsettled and scared.  I was scared and shocked and couldn't go close to her, I just melted into Marks arms and cried.  Greg went over and said it's ok mom, we are here now and gently helped her put down her arm.    The nurse came in and gave her some pain medication, which helped settle her down.  I think us being there helped her as well, she wasn't alone.  The nurse said she checked her at 2am and she was fine, but came back at 2:30 and it was totally different. 

It was still hard to be around her but I wanted to be strong for her, her eyes were open the whole time and she was just staring all over, but looking through you, breathing real heavy and making these sad noises.   It was sad that her eyes were open, I think the nurse could tell it was bothering me.  She said, she is being greeted by loved ones, coming to gather around her for when she is ready to transition to the other side.  That is what she is looking at.  She isn't scared. 

We just sat there for the longest time staring at her, then I remembered my mom would not like us doing that, so we started sharing stories of mom.  We had lots of laughs and tears.  I read that their hearing is the last to go, so I hope my mom heard some of our stories.

The doctor came around 10:30 and he couldn't believe how quickly she deteriorated.  He said it could be 2 hours or two days, so hard to tell and that she was in a coma.  He also encouraged us to talk to her, that her hearing is the last to go.  Since we figured it may be some time before mom passes,  Greg and Melayna left to go let their dog out and Mark went home quickly to get a few things.  The nurses came and bathed her and put on a clean nightgown.  After that I had a good talk with her alone - it was so beautiful for me and I hope it was for her.  I told her how much she is loved by all, how sorry I was that she couldn't be there to see our kids grow up, that Grandpa and Grandma were waiting for her, that even though we will miss her so much it was her time to go, to be at peace and free of pain.  In preparing for my moms passing, I had done some research on what the signs are that someone is getting ready to pass as well as how to help them pass peacefully and the way they wish.  I had read that sometimes the dying don't want you to see them take their last breath and prefer to die alone, so I told her, I am going to the washroom mom, if you want to die alone, I understand.  This is your journey.  I tried to take my time, and when I got back she was still alive. 

Greg and Melayna came back and Greg requested he have some time alone with her and would call/text if anything changed.  Mark and I went and got a bite to eat in the hospital cafeteria.  I had my phone on vibrate and literally didn't take my eyes off it the entire meal.  Mark wanted to phone his sister to see how the kids were doing so we went outside for a walk, and I put my phone in my purse.  Yes, I put my phone in my purse.  I don't know if it was the lack of sleep, but I just sat there dazed listening to Mark talk to his sister.  A couple minutes went by and I realized "my phone, oh my goodness my phone"!  I immediately grabbed it and there were two texts from Greg and a missed call, her breathing had changed, come back.  We ran through the hospital, the elevator ride seemed to take a lifetime, I literally felt like I was on an episode of Grey's Anatomy, but when we got back to her room she was already gone.  We literally missed it by 10 seconds.  She passed away at 12:30pm on August 27th.

The nurse came in and put a beautiful blanket on her, closed her eyes and crossed her arms.  She looked so peaceful.  So free of pain.  I believe my mom didn't want me to witness her passing, it was her last gift to me, but I will write about that in another post.

Mark called the funeral home.  We of course stayed till they came.  After they arrived, we said our goodbyes and I requested that a fuzzy blanket her cousin had brought my mom stay with her.  My mom was always cold, I wanted her to be warm, I know silly.  We started walking down the hallway.  When we got to the end of palliative care, ugh, this still brings me to tears every time.  I turned around to look at her room one last time.  I don't know what I was expecting to see.  But what I did was the funeral attendants were standing outside her door, one on each side of the door, with their hands together, kind of like how the military stand at attention.  It just showed such respect for my mom, for my family.  They were respecting us and waiting till we left before moving her, even though it was just her physical body  it was such comfort knowing her body was in such good care.  I will never forget that image, never. 
 

It's Been Awhile

There is so many things I could talk about, how I started back to work and it is going awesome, how my little girl is getting so darn big, how awesome my son is, but today was a tough day and I need to vent.

I took my mom to get her CT scan results today.  We both had a bad feeling going into the appointment.  I was worried with the horrible upper back pain she has been having that the cancer was now in her bones.  But, the doctor never mentioned anything about the cancer spreading so that was good.  However, the tumor in her lung has doubled in size since her last CT scan in April.  So it has grown from 3cm to 6cm's in less then three months.  This means the cancer is no longer in remission.

The doc gave her two options.  He said he was in a hard place because he could not recommend a high dose chemo due to my mom having such a bad reaction to it.  So option one is to provide a low dosage chemo.  This will not shrink the tumor but hopefully slow it down.  Option two was palliative care which means letting the cancer take it's course and they will provide her with drugs to keep her comfortable as well as emotional support.  I was not looking forward to this day because my mom has been firm in not doing any more chemo.  I can't blame her, she had such a horrible previous experience.  But, to my surprise this old lady still has some fight left in her and has decided to go ahead with the treatments.  Her exact words were "Well, I really don't have anything else going on in my day".  Lol. 

I am so proud of my mom that she wants to continue to fight.  The doctor did say if it gets to be so much she can stop at any time, so I think there is comfort in that.

I tried to stay strong and not cry.  I had to wheel her to go get an x-ray, so while she was getting that done I had a quick cry.  Of course, at that moment one of Mark's friends girlfriends came around the corner.  I felt so stupid, I was a sobbing mess, but whatever she understood. 

While we were waiting to see the doctor, there was a little girl around eight with a pic line in.  My mom said that it really bothers her to see kids with cancer.  At least she has lived her life.  My mom said she has even seen a two month old with cancer in the clinic. Anyway, the little girl went in to get treatment.  When she came out she was so proud to show off the stickers she got to her brother.  Then she said, "I didn't forget about you brother, I got you a chocolate bar".  It just touched my heart that this little girl is going through cancer and she still thought about her brother.

This afternoon I talked to my dad who earlier this week had 2 liters of fluid drained from in between his lung and ribs.  He got a CT scan done as well.  The doctor called him in today and they drained almost another two liters!  His CT scan showed some abnormalities in some lymph nodes.  They are going to wait for the results from the fluid but the doctor said it could be a virus or lymphoma and that he was leaning towards lymphoma.  He will have to get a biopsy done to confirm this though.  At least if it is cancer this type is quite treatable, so I am not freaking out. 

So yes, this was a crappy day.  As I sit her writing this, I am sipping on a big f*cking alcoholic beverage.  And surprisingly, or not, I am starting to feel a bit better ;)

Sorry Candace - I Had To

We were that cool back in the day.  Enough said.

Ups and Downs

I have been meaning to blog a lot more about our journey of my mom and her cancer.  I am not sure why I haven't - lack of time - depressing - but I feel it is time I need to give an update/vent. 

First - my mom has been nothing but courageous with her battle.  She underwent chemo and radiation.  I will never forget when she started losing her hair.  It was coming out in chunks and I remember her calling me crying, saying she looked hidious.  So we decided it was time to shave her head.  It was a sad day, one I will never forget - May long weekend.  As hard as that moment was for her and for me, I was so honored to be there and proud of my mom.  I couldn't shave it, so Marks mom came over.  We all cried but it was empowering.  I made sure to tell my mom how beautiful she looked with a shaved head.  And - I meant it!

She felt like a rockstar for the most of the treatments.  She was given the max doses for chemo and radiation.  At the end of her radiation treatments she really went down hill.  So much so that at one of her cancer appointments at the beginning of August her levels were all messed up that she was admitted into the hospital where she stayed for three weeks.  I was surprised and taken back by this.  I had no idea my mom was so sick from the treatments.  I felt like a bad daughter for not noticing.  I know I was preoccupied with a two month old, but I still felt like an idiot.  My mom later told me that on the second night in the hospital she woke up and "saw the light", but said "no way, it is not my time yet".  It was hard juggling a baby and getting in daily hospital visits.  I couldn't stay for long, I felt like I wasn't doing enough.  I tried to accomodate by buying the hospital cable tv for her and bringing the paper/magazines.  It is hard being stuck - I want to be with my mom - but I have this young family that is relying on me.  I know my mom appreciated all I could do for her at the time.  At this point the tumor had shrunk dramatically and there was no sign of the cancer anywhere else.

When she got out of the hospital she had some of her energy back.  She was still weaker and naseated but could still make us home made buns/cinnamon buns/rice crispy cake, so I knew she was ok.  Ha ha. 

The following months were ok.  Her scans were good.  I was nervous for the one in December because I wanted Christmas to be a positive experience for us all.  And it was.  The tumor was pretty much gone! 

But the nasea never did go away and the energy never came back full throttle.  My mom was discouraged with not feeling great and expressed this to her doctor.  He made the point that she did almost die and it takes a long time to recover from that.  So I think she felt not the best, but was hopeful that she would recover. 

Then came January.  My mom called me and said she thought she had a stroke.  Her left side was numb and her leg was not functioning good.  It was like it was asleep.  My brother and I took her to the walk in clinic and after the doctor heard her story he thought it had spread to her brain.  Very crappy news.  Another weird symptom was that it was taking her a long time to urinate.  She was pretty much wheelchair bound for the next couple weeks.  When we got in to see the cancer doctor he was upset that tests had not been done sooner.  That day they did an ultrasound on her kidneys - they were concerned they were failing.  Luckily, that came out good.  They did a ct scan and that looked good also.  So the last step was an MRI of her spine.  A couple days later she went in to get her results.  I honestly thought they were going to be positive results, so I felt that I did not need to go with her and she got a ride from the cancer center volunteers.  But, our luck had run out and there are multiple spots on her upper spine close to her neck.  What a regret not being there with her.  I would hate to hear that news by myself. 

So the next step is my mom gets monthly injections to strengthen her bones.  I think she gets a ct scan in about a months time and then chemo and possibly radiation.  My mom is pretty upset about this and as of now told me she is refusing treatment.  God - what do you say.  I want to scream at her fight, fight.  You have to, for me, for Greg, for Karter, and Bentley.  But then I see how much she has struggled since treatment.  I understand quality of life,  being sick isn't much quality.  But she is still alive!  I just don't know what to do.  I have talked to her trying to be encouraging, saying that they would not be giving you as much chemo/radiation this time.  I think she is waiting to see what the cancer doctors say.  As in, time span for if she does treatment vs refuses treatment. 

I wanted to end on a positive note.  The support I have received from friends and family has really touched my heart.  I know with my friends I have not talked a lot about my feelings - but that said I know I could call anyone of them up and they would lift me up.  Mark, of course, is wonderful.  He is very encouraging and there to give me a hug and smile whenever I need it.  Marks parents are truly a blessing in my life.  Wendy is one of the most caring and thoughtful people I know.  Whether it is shaving my moms head, taking care of the kids so I can take my mom to appointments, giving my mom magazines, or just listening to me, she is there.  She even makes meals for my mom and freezes them so she does not have to cook. She has enough on her plate with her very close sister who is very sick with cancer - but still thinks about my mom.  What a lady.  When I say that I hit the jackpot marrying into Marks family I mean it.  Anyway, love you all and goodnight!

 Mom, Karter and Bentley

My mom and godmother.  I love old pictures

 Oh she was smokin' back in the day!

Happy Valentine's Day

Sean: "Bentley, will you accept this rose?"

Bentley:  "Why yes Sean, I will!".

I can only dream that my little girl will end up with a great guy like Bachelor Sean.

Oh, and with a guy as wonderful as her daddy too!

Karter's 4th Birthday Party

We celebrated Karter's 4th birthday last weekend.  It was a pool party and we rented a room at the Lakewood Civic Center before we went swimming.  Karter requested a dinosaur themed party this year. I turned to pinterest to get some crafty ideas and of course I was overwhelmed with the options.  I chose to keep it simple, for the most part, and cost friendly as I am on a pretty tight budget these days.  What I loved is that Karter appreciated all our efforts and he did not stop smiling the entire party.  We made a dinosaur dig out of an inflatable pool and filled it with shredded paper.  We used Easter eggs and put mini dinosaurs inside.  My other favorite pinterest steal was paper mache dinosaur eggs for treat bags.  We filled them with dinosaur related items.  It took a long time, but was so worth it.

A couple weeks before the party, Karter met my friend Danika's neice Roxy and pretty much fell in love with her right then and there.  He kept asking me to invite her to his birthday party so of course I did.  The funny thing though is that he also wanted to invite his girlfriend Melanie from daycare.  When Mark was driving Karter to daycare he told him that he had an invitation for Melanie.  I guess Karter got all concerned and said "but Dad, I am only suppose to have one girlfriend at my birthday party".  Oh what a ladies man.  Unfortunately Melanie was unable to make it but it may have been for the best as Karter was all about Roxy.  Showing her around the party and sitting by her.  They did not leave each others side while swimming.  It was pretty cute. 

I was showing Karter pictures of his party and there is a pic of Roxy with an apple juice in front of her.  Karter pipes up "Oh My Goodness, I did not know Roxy likes apple juice".  His expression was like he discovered the moon.  This week Karter and Mark dug some snow tunnels in the front yard.  Karter said he would like to take Roxy on a date in his tunnels.  Like I really don't know where this kid picks this stuff up!

Thanks to everyone who was able to attend Karter's party.  It is so nice to have so much love and support for our little man.

I also have to throw out there that this was the first time I sported a bikini since Bentley was born.  And I looked dino-myte.  Lol.

Here are some pictures from the party.

Would You?

My son tends to be on the shy side when it comes to other kids.  It can even get to be a bit awkward.  Lol.  Well depends on the day.  Anyway, he takes after his mother in the way that I am completely timid in a new environment until I feel comfortable.  This was one of the biggest reasons why I wanted to put him into preschool starting this fall.  We figured this would be an easier transition than sending him straight to kindergarten.  He will get into the school routine, there is no recess, and he will not be friendless on the first day of kindergarten.  Easy breezy decision.  However, the registration process - not so much!

Multiple co-workers of mine that live in the same area as us have shared their preschool registration experience.  This included on the day of registration lining up at 3am OUTSIDE to ensure their child got a spot.  Now remember, registration is at the end of February for this particular school!  If you showed up after 5 or 6 am you did not get a spot - I guess registration starts at 10am.  This registration process is in the public school and aparently the teacher is amazing.  The reason for such few spots is that if your child has attended before the younger siblings are grandfathered in.  Anyway, Karter will be going to the Catholic school next door.  This is the second year they were offering preschool.  So I had no idea what to do the day of registration which was at 9:30am.  3am, 5am, 6am???  I knew that it was so important to Mark and I to get a spot for Karter.  We truly believe he will benefit tremendously ... so we decided to suck it up - it is for our son.  Of course - Mark would be the one standing in line so it made my decision easier.  Registration was February 1st. 

I felt bad for Mark looking at the weather forecast, as last week was freezing!  I poked fun at it, but then it ended up biting me in the butt.  Mark ended up having a Kinsmen function Thursday night, two home inspections booked for Friday and another Kinsmen function Friday night, so guess who ended up having to go stand in line.  F&ck.  I decided 6am would be a good time to go.  I had packed my winter boots, skipants, hat, mitts, and a blanket the night before.  In the am I anxiously pulled up to the school and .... no one was there!  I was pumped, well kind of.  I went to Tim Hortons and got a coffee, came home for a bit, did a couple school drivebys, then headed back to the school to stay put at 7:45. 

I was first in line, and a girl followed me in and the line grew from there - oh - and we got to wait INSIDE the school.  Catholics are so thoughtful ;)  It was posted on the door that there were only 13 spots!  I ended up chatting with the girl behind me and I think her son and Karter are going to be best friends.  They sound so similar and ended up in the same class.  I was so frickn' pumped when I registered him!  I had to bring back his health card for them to photocopy and I asked Karter if he wanted to go meet his teachers.  Once it registered he was so excited.  He quickly drew a couple pics for them and off to the school we went.  He was mesmerized by his classroom.  It was pretty cute and he chatted up his teachers.  It was kind of awkward though as the parents registering by this point were being put on a wait list as the classrooms were full. 

So for now I am on cloud nine that he will be attending school next year. I am sure in August it was be a whold other story as I will have to watch my sweet little boy go off into the real world.

A Christmas Promise

Baby's first Christmas ... such a special occasion.  I have been thinking alot about how to make this Christmas special for Bentley.  After a lot of reflecting, I have come to this conclusion.  No matter how many presents you receive or how many lights there are on the tree, you will not remember this Christmas.  I think the special gift we can give you this year is a Christmas promise ... a promise for all the Christmas's to come:

Bentley, we promise to teach you the true meaning of Christmas.  To take you to church where you can go to Sunday school, where you can fill your heart with the love of the Lord and fill our fridge with colored pictures of him.  We promise to teach you that the star on top of our tree represents a heavenly promise of long ago. That the Christmas wreath hanging outside our door symbolizes that love is one continuous round of affection. The candy canes we hang on our Christmas tree represents the shepherds' crook and that we are our brother's keeper. And that our Santa Claus is a symbol of generosity and good.

When I think of Christmas the thoughts that overwhelm me are that of family.  No matter how many presents you have under the tree, if you have no one to share them with, they are worthless.  The last couple days I keep thinking about the poor families that lost their little ones last Friday.  How many of those families already had presents wrapped under the tree dreaming of their beautiful children excitedly opening them on Christmas morning.  And now they have no one to open them.  Breaks my heart and is just a reminder to keep things in perspective.  Bentley, we promise we will fill each and every Christmas day with the love and joy of our family.

Love always,
Mommy, Daddy & Karter Blain.

Photobomb

Oh Christmas Tree

What is Christmas without a Christmas tree?  To me a Christmas tree symbolizes family, tradition and memories.  There are so many decorations that have such sentimental value to me.  Some from when I was  a little girl, some from Karter's first Christmas and the family we continue to build. 

I remember as a young girl going out with my father into the woods to find that perfect tree.  I remember the excitement of finding the "perfect one", then to look down and realize it had two stumps :(  As you will see below, we definitely settled for second best. 

It has been fun for me to look back at these pictures and the trees and traditions.  Starting out with real trees, the traditional tinsel, candy cane and circle balls.  Really, decorations have not evolved that much over the years.  Then looking at my tree, pre-children.  It was perfect, everything matched and placed proportionately - the tree being a Walmart special.  Then, enter Mark and two kids later, the tradition has shifted back to a real tree stuffed with mismatched decorations and touching memories.  To me, this is now our perfect tree.