Negative Thus Far

My mom got the results from the lung biopsy today and there were no traces of cancer found.

However, the doctor still believes it is cancer and has put in a request for the needle biopsy next week. It is considered a day surgery and they will be knocking my mom out for the procedure. She is happy about this as she originally thought she would be awake and was pretty freaked out. But it makes sense because they collapse her lung and then proceed with the biopsy. She will have to spend the night in the hospital but she is getting to be a pro at that. My mom sounded releived on the phone, and I think she is starting to feel better from her surgery also.

Regardless of whether it is cancer or not, my mom will be getting a treatment plan. They will need to shrink the tumor before they can operate and take it out. I am not sure if that will be chemo or radiation. Even though the outcome is a treatment plan, it still feels good that they have not medically confirmed that it is cancer. I don't know why but it makes me feel better. I hate the C word. I think I am relieved also that the PET scan results did not come back stating that they found cancer here, there and everywhere. That was my biggest fear!!

Best Big Brother

As the weeks progress I find myself getting more and more excited to meet the new addition to our family. I love that Karter shares in this excitement. We painted the baby room this week and Karter was so excited to paint his little sister's room.

Last week Mark's friend had a baby. Mark and I were going to the hospital to meet him and Mark said to Karter "Mommy and I are going to the hospital to meet a new baby". Karter ran up the stairs after him and yelled "Our baby, our baby is coming home right now?!?". The pure excitement in his voice was touching.

This morning when I left for work Karter yelled at me to stop. He ran over and kissed my belly and said "I love you little sister. Have a good day".

Inconclusive

My mom had her gallbladder removed on Monday morning. At this time they also performed a lung biopsy. This consisted of placing a tiny camera in her lung (going down through her throat) to look around and taking multiple biopsies.

My mom is doing pretty good. Her face is pretty soar from the biopsy and her belly is a bit tender from the gallbladder removal.

It has been a pretty stressful week for my mom, and for me. My mind has been wandering all week with the "what ifs".

The doctor called my mom with some results last night. He is a straight to the point doctor, which I respect. He told her that the PET scan results as well as the biopsy were inconclusive that it is cancer. There is more testing that is taking place on the biopsy and he will call my mom Friday night with those results. He also said she will probably have to get a needle biopsy done now. This entails freezing on the surface of your skin and then they inject a needle into you that goes into the lung and retrieves a biopsy. Unfortunately my mom will be awake for this. Why do they need to do this type of biopsy now. From what I understand, and I am NO doctor, is that this tumor is quite big and that all the cells may not be cancerous (if any). Now that they have the PET scan they can pinpoint the specific, maybe target area of the tumor to get the biopsy from.

I am also confused as to the PET scan results being inconclusive. A PET scan detects whether it is cancer, if cancer has spread to other parts of the body (the staging of cancer). So I am hopeful that if the results were inconclusive that means they did not pick up cancer in other parts of the body (if any cancer at all). I wish my mom would have asked her doctor this - but you know how it is when you are on the phone with the doc and are just trying to absorb in what he is telling you.

So right now we are a bit confused and a bit optimistic. I am looking forward to the call from the doctor on Friday night and hopefully more clarification.

Batman

One of the many perks of finding out the sex of your baby is that it allows you to get completely organized before the baby comes. Now that we know we are having a girl, we can get rid of Karter's baby clothes. We started this task last night. It was a lot of fun. Amazing how you can remember so many outfits and place events to go along with them. Not going to lie I got a bit sad, but that is to be expected coming from me. Lol. Karter enjoyed the clothes sorting as well and he even remembered some of the clothing.

At one point Karter disappeared, and came back wearing his Halloween costume that he wore when he was 9 months old. We had a good laugh and it was a good way to finish off the evening.

PET Scan Done, Surgery Booked

My mom and brother got back from Edmonton last night. My mom was pretty tired and still feeling queasy from the stuff she had to drink for the PET scan. She said she did not like the scan at all. Especially when they had it over her face - reminded her of a coffin. She was also strapped in tight like she was a crazy person. She got through it by thinking of Karter and the new baby. That made me smile.

I think it was a wake up call for what potentially might be coming. At this clinic there were sick people there, lots without hair. My mom seemed pretty down when we were talking about this. I am going to have to think of a way to keep her positive and motivated if she does have to do chemo.

My mom goes for her pre-op on Thursday for her gall bladder surgery, then they will remove it on Monday the 12th. I am very happy about this, one that my mom will not be in pain anymore from the gallstones, and two the sooner the surgery gets done the sooner we can focus on her lung.

I would like to thank everyone for their support. It really helps me to talk about it. It also helps my mom. I will tell her that so and so asked about her or said they would say a prayer for her. Even if she does not know that person, it means a lot that people are thinking of her. I have had one negative comment so far. That being "maybe she should have drank more, maybe that would have killed the cancer". I was pretty taken back by this comment. First of all, I am pregnant and hormonal. Second this situation with my mom is very sensitive to me. I Do not need these types of comments. I am normally a person who doesn't say anything, but this time I piped up and defended my mom. I know she has not been that good to her body with the drinking and the smoking. When you have no self worth and an addiction, I am sure it did not cross her mind all the damage she was doing. And no one deserves to get cancer, and no one is perfect.

3d Ultrasound

We had our 3d ultrasound at UC Baby today and it was a great experience. The atmosphere was very relaxed and kid friendly. Karter came along and was on/off interested, but for sure glad he was there. The technician was super friendly and she seemed to get almost as excited as we did at what we were looking at.

We got 100% confirmation that we are having a girl. Which has motivated us already as Mark cleared out the spare bedroom this afternoon to get it prepped for our little girl.

She was very active during the session which was awesome. Some of the highlights for me was seeing her face. She is beautiful! It will be cool to compare the photos to when she is born. I also loved seeing how she kept opening and closing her mouth as well as yawning alot. We got to count her ten fingers and toes, and she even has hair on her head already!

Here are a couple pictures of our little girl.

My Poor Mom

So far 2012 has been a rough start for my mom and it is not going to be getting better any time soon.

My mom has been struggling for some time now with back pain. In January she decided to make another appointment with the doctor to see if there was something else they could try. A couple days before her appointment she found a lump in her breast. The doctors appointment resulted in her getting a mamogram and ultrasound done on her breast and he ordered a CT scan for her back.

Before her scheduled mamogram she was admitted to the hospital. She was in a lot of pain and could not keep anything down. Of course the mamogram clinic is not in the hospital, so she had to be released on a pass, all hopped up on morophine, to go get her mamo and ultrasound. On the plus side she said she did not feel a thing.

After she got back to the hospital they found out she had gallstones. Which sucks for her as the pain seems quite intense, but we could deal with that. She was released and subscribed some meds but they have to wait for all the inflamation to go down before they can remove her gallbladder. The gallstones could definitely be a huge contributor to back pain. Ok, things were starting to make sense.

The results came back from her mamogram and it was not cancer. What a huge relieve. Things were starting to look up.

But then she had her CT scan. The next day my mom's doctor called her in to tell her they found a large lump in her lung. F*ck. Really! On the bright side, the scan was from her neck to her butt and no other lumps were found. Her doctor had sent the CT scan to a specialist in Saskatoon, in which she met with him last week.

I was on pins and needles waiting for her or my brother to call me. When she did, the first thing she said was "Alynne, it is so big, bigger then my doctor said". I knew right then this was not going to be a good conversation. I guess the doctor showed my mom and brother the CT scan of the tumor, it is about the size of my fist. Without even doing a biopsy the doctor said it is cancer. Lumps are common in the lung that are not cancer, but when they grow that big it is cancer.

A clinic in Edmonton called my mom yesterday to set up an appointment for a PET scan. This type of scan is not available in Saskatchewan so the closest spot available is Edmonton. The scan is geared towards certain types of cancer - lung being one of them. She will have this nuclear radiation stuff injected into her. This injection allows the scan to tell the stage of the lung cancer and if it has spread. It is also a bone scan. Lung cancer typically spreads to the brain, bones and liver. I think her liver is ok as a result of the CT scan, but now need to check out the other two areas. Her appointment is March 1st. My brother is going to take her which is great as pregnant women are not suppose to be around people who have received this scan. It sucks bc I want to be there but it would stress me out thinking I could be putting my baby at risk.

A lot of people have asked me how my mom is doing. She is trying to stay positive, but you can tell she is scared. She is having trouble sleeping. Plus, it does not help that she is in pain from the gallstones. I hope they will take care of that soon. She mentioned that her main concern is that it has spread, especially to her bones. Even though it was 15 years ago, she still has a vivid image of my Auntie Helen suffering from secondary bone cancer and all the pain she was in.

A lot of people have also asked how I am doing. My worst day so far was when she called me to tell me what the specialist had said. I cried pretty much all day, even though I was at work. I was pretty much convinced it was the end of the road for her. We went for supper that night at Mark's sisters house and her husband is a paramedic. I found comfort in talking to him and about what they can do for lung cancer patients. I had found my light. I am still pretty stressed about this and am crying multiple times a day, but it is more of a teared up cry, not the ugly crying. I am just trying to put it aside till we know exactly what we are dealing with. I am also distracting myself with thinking about the baby and keeping busy with my sweet 3 year old.

We are also trying to get my mom moved down to Saskatoon from PA. This has been keeping me busy. I am trying to think ahead and have things in place for when the time comes. I have advised my mom to update her will, she is packing up her stuff so if she starts chemo and we find her a place we can just go in and move her stuff to Saskatoon.

We also had to have the sad talk about funeral arrangements. That sucked. Looking into your mom's eyes as she tells you what she wants when she passes away - brutal!! Of course my mom tries to keep it light, I think her exact words were "put me in a margarine container and drive down the highway and let er rip". Of course there will be no margarine containers involved and me driving down the highway as her ashes fly free. As emotional as that talk was, I am glad we had it. I want to honor my mom's wishes.

Well, I feel better posting this and getting it off my chest. I am sure there will be more posts to come as we go through this journey.